By Amy Ryan
September 05, 2006 at 11:28 PM EDT
  • TV Show

Shortly after Rosie O’Donnell made her much-anticipated debut this morning on The View, this instant-message conversation (over virtual instant coffee) took place at PopWatch HQ:

writer1: So, are ya feelin’ Rosie on the new View? I’d forgotten how natural and at ease she is in front of a daytime audience.

writer2: I can’t say that I was. I agree she’s a natural, but I felt like she sucked all the air out of the room.

writer1: She did steamroller the others, but she’s already my favorite.

writer2: Well, that’s not saying too much, but…

writer1: Meowch!

writer2: Seriously, Barbara was having a ”Glaaadiator!” moment for the whole hour, and Elisabeth and Joy just seemed a little afraid of Rosie.

writer1; Joy, not so much; she did tangle with Rosie a little, saying her kid sounded Japanese.

writer2: Call me crazy, but I found that mildly alarming.

writer1: Me too, but I thought Rosie handled it deftly, saying, ”And you all thought I was going to have problems with Elisabeth.” And then Babs chiming in with ”Trust me, you will.” Not exactly Oscar Wilde wit, but pretty good for java-fueled morning repartee.

writer2: The chemistry just seemed off. Of course, maybe it wasn’t just Rosie. It could be the hideous new set that threw them off. I don’t know why, but looking at the tops of their new chairs, all I could think was ”eggs.”

writer1: I don’t like the set either. It looks like American Idol meets Brazil, all those snaky tubes and ducts and all that blue light.

writer2: Totally!  The hot topics table was tiny, and I miss Grandma’s beige couch.

writer1: The show looks like it’s being filmed in someone’s lower intestine.

writer2: Plus, the V in ”View” looked like it was about to split Jessica Simpson’s head in two.

writer2: Which still would have been less painful than hearing her sing live… I know she has a sore throat, but I’ve thrown down better vocals after pounding half a dozen Smirnoff Ices at karaoke night.

writer1: I actually felt sorry for Jess, for once, walking into that minefield on Day 1, having to talk about John Mayer and her puppetmaster dad.

writer2: Uff da. Her slip of the tongue calling him ”controlling” was awesome!

writer1: Yeah, loved it!

writer2: I dunno. I think part of the problem is they need someone really strong to take over Star’s seat. Otherwise it’s going to feel like Rosie and The View-ettes.

writer1: Exactly. I think once they find Star’s replacement, the chemistry will settle into place. Meantime, I’ll enjoy the tension and bruised egos.

writer2: And while I liked that Rosie was really comfortable and natural discussing her relationship with Kelli, there was a tad too much kid talk from everybody. It’s gonna take a week to shed the image of Elisabeth sitting in a pool of her child’s urine.

writer1: Yeah, way too many references to tampons for me, but then I lack the XX chromosome to appreciate that conversation.

writer2: I’ll probably tune in a few more times and see how the ladies jell, but at this point, I kinda miss Starting Over.

writer1: Bite your tongue!

writer2: Heh.

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