By Michael Slezak
September 01, 2006 at 08:09 PM EDT

Can you imagine? I mean can you imagine?
Do you believe it? I mean do you believe it?

Yeah, I know I don’t usually start quoting Chicago lyrics till cocktail hour — ba-dum, bum! — but according to Star magazine, Ashlee ”Acid Reflux” Simpson has begun rehearsals to play Roxie Hart in the London version of the long-running musical (my very most favorite musical, I might add). There’s only one way I can express my shock and outrage right now, PopWatchers: by tweaking the lyrics to “All That Jazz” and belting my little heart out. Oh, and don’t cry for Ashlee…she had it comin’!

Come on babe
Why don’t we flee the town?
‘Cause Ashlee’s cast 

I’m gonna plug my ears
And lock away the hounds
‘Cause Ashlee’s cast  (‘Cause Ashlee’s cast)

Start the petition
Can Chicago be saved?
I betcha Mr. Fosse’s
Spinning in his grave

‘Cause when that girl sings live
Folks start to wail and writhe
Yes, Ash. Lee’s. Cast.

addCredit(“Ashlee Simpson: Jamie McCarthy/”)