The 10 hottest topics for the week of September 3, 2006

By Scott Brown
Updated August 25, 2006 at 04:00 AM EDT

1 German prosecutors won’t look into Madonna-on-cross incident Will her crucifixion never be solved?

2 Bob Dylan says music hasn’t sounded good for 20 years ”Granted,” he concedes, ”that’s around about when, on doctor’s advice, I stopped hearing it through my nose.”

3 Weinsteins to take over MGM? Bob’s been crashing on the break-room couch for over a month.

4 George Lucas says Indy 4 will be likePhantom Menace Explains the working title: Indiana Jones and the Secret of Suck Mountain.

5 Screenwriters announce which Transformers will be in Transformers In a twist worthy of The Crying Game, the very butch Optimus Prime will go toe-to-toe with Lou Reed.

6 Kid Rock and Pam Anderson just keep getting married Ssshh! Kid Rock thinks he’s on a reality show called Pimp My Bride. And the crazy part is…he might be.

7 New Wayans movie announced In Revelations, Chapter 6.

8 Helen Mirren says movie about the Queen’s reaction to Diana’s death will be ”sensitive” But she’s quietly licensed ”Killer Queen” for the soundtrack.

9 Brits censor cartoon smoking They hope to keep Britain the smoke-free utopia Sir Walter Raleigh always envisioned.

10 Nicole Richie trying to get her weight up Might I suggest sitting on your ass all day thinking of Nicole Richie jokes?