By Michael Slezak
August 24, 2006 at 12:00 PM EDT

So, get this: According to the Hollywood Reporter, a national decline in the sale of DVDs was one of the primary reasons Paramount Pictures decided not to renew its longstanding production deal with Tom Cruise. Specifically, the trade publication notes, Cruise was reportedly pulling down “20 percent of box office revenue as well as a piece of DVD sales,” but since home-video revenue is no longer a guaranteed cash cow to recoup losses on big-screen disappointments (such as M:I:3), Paramount decided to hit the eject button, so to speak.

Now I may not be a studio exec with a seven-figure salary (although I’d take the plunge for low sixes — or maybe just a pony), but to me, there was an obvious way to save Paracruise (yes, I’ve just attempted to coin a moniker even clunkier than Brangelina): Why not pack the M:I:3 DVD with wacky extras from Cruise’s promotional appearances? Trust me, folks like my friend Litty — who’s threatened her husband with bodily harm if he ever erases Cruise’s ”couch jumpOprah appearance from their TiVo — would be eating it up. Heck, I’d consider shelling out $10 for a director’s cut of Legend if it included a first look at Suri.

Anyhow, in other news of Paracruise (see, you’re getting used to it already, I can tell):

-Adding insult to injury, Tuesday was also the day Paramount announced a two-picture deal with Cruise’s blood foes, South Park‘s Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

-The New York Times takes a look at Who’s Not Talking. No, that’s not a future Cruise project with fellow Scientologists Alley and Travolta, but rather, who’s literally not talking about the breakup.

-And if you’re worried about the spawn of Paracruise, here’s a story on who’s getting custody.

addCredit(“Mission: Impossible III: Stephen Vaughan”)