By Whitney Pastorek
Updated August 17, 2006 at 12:00 PM EDT

OMG, you guys, have you heard about this new Samuel L. Jackson movie that’s coming out called, like, Snakes on a Plane or something? Hahaha! I love him — he’s so badass! Hahaha! Wait. That’s not the real title, is it? OMG, ROTFL! Anyway, it sounds, like, totally bitchin’ so I Googled it and came up with this hilarious list of possible sequelsSnakes on a Plantain! LOL! — and then I started to notice that, like, there seems to be a lot of stuff on the Internets about it! WTF? Am I like the last person to hear about this?

-Dude, don’t tell anybody, but: There are other people in the movie besides Sam Jackson.

-A list of so-bad-they’re-good movies, which is clearly what SoaP aspires to be, but, um, what if it’s just bad-bad? Oh, Lord, they’re not gonna turn the Internet off or something, are they?

-Critics, unable to review the movie, start making gross rationalizations, and are generally just losing their minds.

-And, finally, if Justin Guarini is getting press off this motherf—-ing movie, then it is time for the motherf—ing thing to come out already.