By Scott Brown
Updated August 16, 2006 at 09:36 PM EDT

Dick. Wolf. Are there two sweeter words in the English language? Not according to the USA Network, which just gave in to every cable channel’s most primal impulse and wallpapered its primetime lineup with 70 to 80 percent Law & Order. Can I get a chung-chung? Yes, I can. Almost anytime I want, it seems.

Law & Order (and its spinoffs) are kind of like cable’s screensaver. I think this is because televisions themselves enjoy watching Law & Order. Another fun fact: Did you know that if you laid every Law & Order episode end to end, it would be one long Law & Order episode that would end with Sam Waterston coughing up his own battered larynx? Also: Did you know that Dickwolf was the working title for Airwolf, until cooler heads prevailed? Rip that from the headlines, yo.

Here’s my question for you, reader: What do you do while watching Law & Order reruns? Me, I eat. Time the whole meal to the act breaks. Aids digestion. So go for it: What’s your L&O ritual? And what’s the craziest thing you’ve done while some random L&O was playing in the background? Keep it relatively clean, or else two complete strangers, bickering over something random, will find my body in an alley tomorrow.