By Michael Slezak
August 09, 2006 at 07:50 PM EDT

Whitney Houston is 43 today, and what we’re gonna do right here is go back — way back — to a time when Madonna herself slept in fear of the potent pipestress’ power. So join me, if you’d be so kind, in a rousing sing-a-long of a celebratory ditty, sung to the tune of Whitney’s 1985 smash, ”How Will I Know.” (Click here if you need to brush up on the melody.) Okay then, on the count of three…

There’s a girl I know, wears a big bow in her hair
It’s not right, but okay, quite the poster-girl for D.A.R.E.
When she saved her love, we couldn’t seem to get enough (uh-huh)
But these days, it’s tragic, girlfriend’s lookin’ kinda rough

Ooh, hell to the no (Just Whitney was pallid)
Hell to the no
Hell to the no (But you give good ballads)
Hell to the no

Hell to the no, still we’ll always love you
We say a prayer for lil’ Bobbi K too
Say ”no more drama,” it just can’t be beat
Ask Mary J. ’cause she knows about these things

Hell to the no, your name is not Susan
Our love is yours at the heartbreak (hotel)
The Bodyguard‘s on 12 times a week
Can’t change the channel, oh I’m such a freak!

addCredit(“Whitney Houston: Neil Matthews/Retna”)