By Michael Slezak
Updated July 21, 2006 at 09:07 PM EDT

With snippets from ”My Humps,” ”Summer Girls,” and ”In the Year 2525,” making the grade, it’s hard to argue with the Boston Phoenix’s countdown of the 32 worst song lyrics of all time. And yet, right off the bat, I see three glaring problems with their list:

1. No mention of Heart’s ”All I Wanna Do Is Make Love to You,” a song that sends me to the brink of mortified collapse every time? Wrong, Phoenix! So very wrong! As penance, you must read the following lines aloud — to your mother:

So we found this hotel/ It was a place I knew well
We made magic that night/ Oh, he did everything right
He brought the woman out of me/ So many times, easily
And in the morning when he woke/ All I left him was a note
I told him I am the flower/ You are the seed
We walked in the garden/ We planted a tree

2. I know he’s got a lot of wonky couplets in his oeuvre, but you’ll never convince me R. Kelly’s ”Ignition” is worse than ”Thoia Thong.” (Die a little inside by watching the video here.) Exhibit A:

We at the crib so it ain’t no rules
I’m butt naked, sweat socks, and house shoes
100 bottles of Cris in the cooler
I’m frozen thanks the Jacob the Jeweler

3. And finally, I know it’s a got to be a typo that Destiny’s Child’s ”Bills, Bills, Bills” made the cut, right? Seriously, anyone out there who wants to dis the coinage of the word ”automobills” can meet me behind the lockers after school. Respeck.

What do you think PopWatchers? Did any jankulous lyrics get left off the Phoenix’s list? Then add ’em to the comments section below.

Advertisement

Comments