By Scott Brown
Updated July 20, 2006 at 12:00 PM EDT

It approaches: the moment when Kevin Federline will give the most thoroughly pre-ironized performance in the history of music. The date: Aug. 20. The occasion: the Teen Choice 2006 Awards. The single: “Lose Control,” a title that I’m told sounds a lot less hackneyed in Portuguese. (Yes, I have many Portuguese friends, thank you.)

Anyway, let’s hope Aug. 20 will be the crest of our national Federfreude and an opportunity to turn our precious mockery resources toward more deserving targets, like Rob Schneider and cell phones. (What’s the deal with cell phones, anyway?) But before we get out of the Spears-Federline business entirely, I’d like to quickly note Britney’s beautifully loony blog, a stream of “consciousness” that never fails to surprise an delight. Everyone talking about her breathless reverie on tigers, where she rhapsodizes about “their eyes, their stripes, their constant quest for survival.”

So Brit’s blogging about tigers. But what are tigers blogging about her?

Kellogg’s Tony the Tiger writes “omigod brit why dont you just come out and say it you want me!!! :) IMHO.”

The Exxon Mobil Tiger is less enthused, writing: “The exoticizing and eroticizing of the tiger must stop. We’re not symbols, we’re not playthings, we’re not here to facilitate your personal epiphanies. We are tigers. Hear us roar. Though honestly, with oil at $70 a barrel, I have very little to complain about these days.”

Blake’s tyger chimes in: “Thanks for the lynk! And the essay: You nayled yt, YMHO. Yn the future, though, please don’t reprynt that poem without askyng my permyssyon fyrst.”

Hmmm.

OK, let’s go back to making fun of Federline. Clearly, I’m tapped here.

addCredit(“Kevin Federline: Jamie McCarthy/WireImage.com”)

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