By Scott Brown
July 19, 2006 at 10:38 PM EDT

Did you get your wedding announcement yet? From Pam Anderson and Kid Rock? Looks like I’m not in the wedding party, which is fine, because I can’t imagine what kind of bridesmaid’s dress she’d put me in (to say nothing of the groomsmans’ outfits.)

The announcement didn’t come by mail, but over Pammy’s blog. In it, she assured the world that her two kids (with ex-hubby, video costar and phallus delivery system Tommy Lee) love their stepdad and are thrilled with the impending nuptials. She then goes on a weird tagline run, as if trying out different marketing strategies: “Time will pass. Wounds will heal. Some people may never grow up. Actions speak louder than words … watch!”

So what are you getting the happy couple? (I think they’re registered here.) Please, no one get a bucket of Hooter’s “medium” wings, because that’s what I’m bringing.