July 18, 2006 at 04:00 AM EDT

”Basically what I’m trying to say is, rock & roll is an insatiable bitch goddess, but I love her, and I’m just looking for that one woman in my life to participate in that threesome.”
BRET MICHAELS, ON WHAT HE’S TRYING TO FIND IN A WOMAN, ON ROCK OF LOVE WITH BRET MICHAELS

”Harry Potter? He’s a racist?. In the film everyone’s scared of black magic. The villain’s name? The Dark Lord. And what other group calls their leader a wizard? Hmm, let me think. Oh, yeah, the KKK!”
TIM MEADOWS ON THE LATE LATE SHOW

”You look glamorous. Are you wearing underwear?”
MARK PHILIPPOUSSIS, TO A GUSSIED-UP JAYANNA, ON AGE OF LOVE

”You know what they do for Thanksgiving here? They get loads of pretzels, mash them up and shove them up turkeys’ bums, and serve it up. That’s what they do for Thanksgiving!”
VICTORIA BECKHAM, DESCRIBING AMERICAN TRADITIONS, ON VICTORIA BECKHAM: MOVING TO AMERICA

”I don’t want to ruin it for you but at the end, Voldemort kills Harry with a fairly vicious atomic wedgie.”
JIMMY KIMMEL, DISCUSSING THE FINAL HARRY POTTER BOOK, ON JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE

”Seven feet tall, white teeth, and a French accent — I mean, can’t get no better than that.”
DANCER DOMINIC, CONFESSING HIS CRUSH ON ENGLISH HOSTESS CAT DEELEY, ON SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE

”This week in Iran, Iranian designers held a fashion show using Iranian models. For the 5,000th year in a row, burkhas are in.”
CONAN O’BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT

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