1 Brad Pitt impersonator caught in Dubai I, for one, support the import of generic Pitt. For the elderly.
2 Hilton denies Paris Hilton a discount What’s next? Will Kenny Rogers be barred access to cut-rate Roasters?
3 Dave Matthews Band to ”offset” tour pollution Did you know that last year alone, DMB released 8 billion tons of socially conscious frat jams into the atmosphere?
4 Billy Corgan moves in with Courtney Love Craigslist really needs some safety features.
5 Streep says she based the Anna Wintour character from The Devil Wears Prada on men Wintour says, ”Yeah, me too.”
6 Bin Laden releases tribute tape to al-Zarqawi The sappy mix is reportedly overreliant on ’80s pop and Morrissey.
7 Britney naked again The Britney portion of this column is starting to look like a small-town police blotter.
8 Mariah Carey reportedly eating only pink food Pink adjusts her tour schedule accordingly, and a hungry game of cat and mouse ensues.
9 Toronto-based Lord of the Rings musical to close Hobbits stream across the border seeking work. And, conservatives say, pipeweed.
10 Retro ’50s food chain Johnny Rockets to offer free music downloads Sadly, the service only works with the retro ’50s iPod, which uses punch cards and takes up an entire room.