June 09, 2006 at 09:19 PM EDT

Okay, so there’s no way I can gripe about last night’s deadly dull MTV Movie Awards without sounding like a crusty old man, but just for the record, I was not watching them in a pair of tattered boxer shorts while clutching a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

In fact, I’ll admit that the two-hour telecast had a few must-see moments: Xtina getting her howl on during ”Ain’t No Other Man”; Gnarls Barkley performing ”Crazy” in Star Wars drag (Chewbacca on drums!); Jake Gyllenhaal sweetly noting the significance of winning Best Kiss for Brokeback Mountain; and a game Jessica Alba (pictured) doing her darndest with pretty weak material (save for a very amusing DaVinci Code spoof, with Jimmy Fallon muttering, ”Must. Doodle. On priceless. Paintings.”). Other than that, though, the telecast was notable mostly for podium banter that sounded like it got rejected by the folks at the People’s Choice Awards; on that note, here are my nominees for the Most Painful Moment from the MTV Movie Awards:

-A seemingly endless Mission:Impossible III spoof with Topher Grace threatening to spray Flava Flav with a watergun full of his urine.

-Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly, dressed as their Talladega Nights characters, dropping a series of bombs (while, in a peculiar twist, animated bombs dropped on the screens behind them).

-Anna Faris’ unfortunate black short-shorts-pantsuit thingie.

-Jim Carey accepting his MTV Generation Award with a flock of angels behind him. (Did I miss a joke in there?)

-Justin Timberlake and Eva Mendes beating the dead Brokeback joke into the ground with banter about Jack and Ennis’ desire to score ”ranchhand jobs” (say it slowly…).

What did you think of the show? Any favorite — or least favorite — moments?

addCredit(“Jessica Alba: Kevin Winter/Getty Images”)

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