By Scott Brown
June 07, 2006 at 07:32 PM EDT

Just when you thought the memoir bubble had burst, retired Federal Reserve chairman Alan Greenspan — lauded by some as the architect of post-Cold War American wealth, reviled by others as the sower of our eventual economic destruction — enters the market. It’s a steamy, straight-talkin’ tell-all that makes David Lee Roth’s Crazy from the Heat look like The Purpose-Driven Life. The dust cover alone could move the Dow 100 points. And PopWatch has EXCLUSIVE fake excerpts. Hold onto your NASDAQ! This is Greenspan at his most direct and non-obfuscatory! (And you can blurb that!)

On his difficult childhood: “The creation of wealth had not been as dramatic as predictions anticipated, and the overconcentration of capital in construction and marketing created a debt load too onerous to overcome even with substantial retail gains. In short, my lemonade stand failed.”

On his first sexual experience: “It had become clear the situation was summiting, and that attempts might be made to merge partner-entities. This involved a certain amount of irrational exuberance, followed by serious liquidity issues. There was an awkward recession. The inevitable deflationary period set in.”

On Def Leppard’s Hysteria: “Rocked my argyle socks, muthaf—-!”

addCredit(“Alan Greenspan: Win McNamee/Getty Images”)