TV's funniest lines from May 23 to 29. Read the expanded online-only version of our favorite quips, then vote for the best quote

By EW Staff
June 05, 2006 at 04:00 AM EDT

”That is definitely more than a handful.”
RYAN SEACREST, AFTER WATCHING A MONTAGE THAT SHOWED SIMON COWELL REPEATEDLY FONDLING HIS OWN PECS, ON AMERICAN IDOL

”The latest Hollywood rumor is that Britney Spears has been writing poetry about her marriage. The rumor got started when Britney was overheard asking someone, ‘What rhymes with deadbeat?’ ”
CONAN O’BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT

”Oprah has signed a deal to write a book about weight control. Though no specific figure was given, Winfrey’s advance was quoted as being over $12 million. Then that figure dropped to 8 million. The next day it ballooned to over 15, then it slimmed down to 10, and now supposedly it’s back up to 12, but I think it really looks like a solid 14.”
JOEL McHALE, ON THE SOUP

”Stay away from Coral and Shane and Tina. And anybody that you saw when you were in middle school, stay away from them.”
REAL WORLD: AUSTIN‘S WES, OFFERING COMPETITION ADVICE TO HIS 18-YEAR-OLD ROOKIE PARTNER, CASEY, ON REAL WORLD/ROAD RULES: FRESH MEAT

”And this is not just a victory for Taylor; it’s a victory for uncoordinated senior citizens everywhere.”
JIMMY KIMMEL, DISCUSSING THE AMERICAN IDOL FINALE, ON JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE

”I was wrong.”
LOCKE (TERRY O’QUINN), AFTER NEARLY DESTROYING THE WORLD BY DELIBERATELY NOT PUSHING THE BUTTON, ON LOST

Advertisement