By Scott Brown
June 02, 2006 at 12:00 PM EDT

Fans — they kid because they love. By that calculus, there’s a lot of love in this hilarious take-down of Lost‘s just-wrapped second season. It’s rather ingeniously packaged as a prospectus for season 3, authored by none other than Lost exec. producer Damon Lindelof. It’s also pretty merciless. And undeniably hilarious. My favorite suggestions: A Tourette’s-afflicted Locke, a new character named “Jenny Kierkegaard,” and a man who has a poignant flashback to his dark past as a clown.

After that, it degenerates into general mean-spiritedness, and the final paragraph is sinks to levels unbefitting an otherwise witty evisceration. So the soft-hearted should probably avoid this at all costs. But anyone who enjoys a good roast will be satisfied. Also, who knows? The show might actually end up cherry-picking a couple of these pitches. I mean, hey, why not crash another plane? I mean, remember when you thought The Chipmunks mythos had gotten so knotty… and then they went and added The Chippettes? And you were like, wow, what’s that dribbling out of my ear? Jenkies, it’s my mind! And it’s been blown!

addCredit(“Lost: Mario Perez”)