By Scott Brown
May 24, 2006 at 08:45 PM EDT

Holy Namibia! Birth is imminent! Little Nkrumah Toasteroven Pitt-Jolie is on his/her way!

It’s a busy week already: Michelle Rodriguez is back in jail, so it’s terrible timing for her. Dr. 90210 is busy tackling old men on planes. Jilted models and ill-tempered nerds are fighting over the lifeless corpse of Brett Ratner. On top of all this, can the world handle The Most Beautiful Celebribaby Ever?

Looks like we’re going to have to. Angelina can’t hold it in forever. The longer you hold in a baby, science tells us, the more likely it is to come out looking like Billy Bob Thornton. And imagine how awkward that would be.

But maybe… maybe we misread Pitt’s statement. Maybe the birth isn’t “imminent,” but “immanent.” Meaning, “having existence or effect only within the mind or consciousness.” The baby, in other words, is in your mind. There is no baby, just as there is no baby-spoon. Meditate on that. It’ll get you through the difficult days ahead.

addCredit(“Jolie & Pitt: Brennan Linsley/AP”)