By Amy Ryan
Updated May 24, 2006 at 02:00 PM EDT

Happy Birthday, Bob Dylan! PopWatch knows that you’re not likely to make too big a deal out of turning 65 today, but we made up a fake to-do list for you anyway (thank us later!):

-Play some wake-up music to get my day going: Springsteen’s ”Blinded by the Light,” The Clash’s ”Know Your Rights,” and, of course, Britney’s ”Toxic.”

-Call Scorsese. Tell him I’m ready for him to shoot No Direction Home II: The Hermit Years (1966-69).

-Dig through my record collection for my next satellite radio show. This one will be all about cats! I’ll play Harry Chapin’s ”Cat’s in the Cradle,” Little Willie John’s ”Leave My Kitten Alone,” the Nuge’s ”Cat Scratch Fever,” etc.

-Visit throat doctor, tell him I’ve been a little phlegmy for, oh, about 40 years.

-Thumb through those two new books about me. They keep trying to explain me, but they’ll never figure out my secret: I just wanted the words to rhyme, man!

-Go to mailbox, look for Social Security check.

-Visit Starbucks, claim that free Mocha Frappuccino they’ve owed me ever since I let them sell CDs of Live at the Gaslight 1962.

-Tell those neighborhood whippersnappers to get off my damn grass.

-The guilty undertaker sighs, the lonesome organ grinder cries, the silver saxophones say I should refuse you.

-For dinner: early-bird special!

-Have Jakob help me blow out all those candles.

-Think up a 17th verse to ”Lily, Rosemary, and the Jack of Hearts”!

-Watch the American Idol finale. I dig Taylor’s old-school soul stylings, but I can’t help myself — I’ve got the McPheever!

addCredit(“Bob Dylan: Lester Cohen/”)