Oprah on 'The View': Our dream scenario

So today’s special guest on The View is Oprah Winfrey (pictured). With the rumor mill saying that incoming panelist Rosie O’Donnell wants current co-host Star Jones off the show, and that Oprah’s closest pal, Gayle King, might be in the running to take over Jones’ seat, we’re hotly anticipating the scene. So much so, in fact, that we’ve composed our dream script, you know, just in case these powerful daytime divas need a little inspiration:

MEREDITH VIEIRA, STAR JONES REYNOLDS, ELISABETH HASSELBECK, JOY BEHAR, and BARBARA WALTERS sit around The View‘s ”Hot Topics” table as the show returns from commerical break.

MEREDITH: OK, let’s put a pin in that discussion of locker-room nudity so we can bring out a very exciting special guest! Ladies and gentlemen, Oprah Winfrey!

THE AUDIENCE cheers. OPRAH emerges from the wings and stands behind STAR’s chair.

OPRAH: Hello ladies!

THE LADIES (reverently): Hello, Oprah.

OPRAH (beaming as she addresses the audience): Okay, people, you know what we all love, right?

STAR (hopefully): The 2007 Mercedes Benz SL 600 Roadster?

addCredit(“Oprah Winfrey: Luis Martinez/AFF-USA.com/AP”)

OPRAH (looking surprised): Star, how did you possibly guess?

STAR: Wait! Really? What?

OPRAH: Well, Star, you know how much I like to shower my pals withgifts. I was going to wait until the end of the show, but you might aswell head out to the parking lot and get your… New! Mercedes!Roaaaad-sterrr!

THE AUDIENCE goes wild. STAR claps her hands and squeals.

OPRAH: Well, what are you waiting for, Star? It’s right outside.

STAR: Okay, okay. You don’t have to tell me twice.

STAR scampers for the exit.

OPRAH (looking at BARBARA): Well, that was easy.

JOY: Honey, you should’ve saved your money. She’d run a long mile for a free pair of Payless.

MEREDITH: True dat.

OPRAH raises an eyebrow, shakes it off, then continues.

OPRAH: Anyway, people, the real reason I came today is because We!Love! Changes! And that’s the reason I brought along my best friendGayle King, who’ll be replacing one of The View‘s panelists starting today!

OPRAH begins pumping her fist. GAYLE emerges smiling from the wings.ELISABETH buries her face in her hands and begins to weep softly.Ignoring her, OPRAH pulls STAR’s chair out from the table and holds itfor GAYLE.

OPRAH: There you have it! Your New! View! Panelist! Gaaaaaaayle Kiiiiing!

GAYLE takes a seat in STAR’s chair, and shakes hands with MEREDITH and a pleased-looking BARBARA. ThE AUDIENCE cheers wildly.

ELISABETH (looking up): So, my job’s still safe?

OPRAH: Who is this girl?

BARBARA (befuddled): I have no idea.