Our books editor informs us he has just received a copy of My Friend Leonard by James Frey (pictured). Frey… remember him? The one who chopped down the cherry tree and then claimed he did hard time for it, when he didn’t? The one who saw the two faces of Oprah — the maternal, nurturing You Go-prah and the wrathful, righteous Oh no-prah — within a brief 48-hour span? Yeah. Him. A new edition of his second book, a sequel to the besmirched memoir A Million Little Pieces, is coming your way. With the following mea culpa of an “author’s note”:

“As has been accurately revealed by two journalists at the investigative website The Smoking Gun, significant portions of this book are fictional. I did not spent ninety days in jail, and Porterhouse is a fictional character. Many of the other characters’ names and identifying characteristics have been altered or fictionalized, as have major events in their lives. To call this book pure nonfiction would be inaccurate. It is a combination of fact and fiction, real and imagined events.”

In the same spirit, I’d like to append the following “author’s note” to this blog entry and all future blog entries:

“As has been accurately noted by the people who post in the comments section, significant portions of this blog are underbaked, know-nothing hackwork. I did not construct a candy-baby-filled Britney Spears piñata, nor did Tom Cruise help me get off heroin in three days. Most of the other stuff I’ve written is also total crap, as are the subjects that have inspired said total crap. To call this blog pure BS would be devastatingly accurate. It is a combination of speculation, obfuscation, and Cap’n Crunch-induced hallucination, irrelevant and stupid events.”

Hopefully, this will head off any future lawsuits. Thank you for your time.

[EDITOR’S NOTE: Scott, I need to see you for a minute.]