Things that will happen before 'Chinese Democracy'

So our very own Gary Susman noted this on Billboard.com today. Sez Guns N’ Roses long-overdue Chinese Democracy album is a-comin’, and a-comin’ soon. Like, in the fall. Quoth Axl Rose (pictured): “It will be out this year.”

Quoth Susman: “I expect to see a double feature of Feast and The Day the Clown Cried at the multiplex before it hits stores.”

Gary’s rightfully suspicious. But it got me thinking: What else will happen before GN’R’s perpetually announced, never-delivered album really drops?

1. All eight of Britney Spears’ children will have released albums, except for Little Tito Federline, Nobel Laureate.

2. Jams will be back in style.

3. Color Me Badd will be elected president in a phone-voting mishap.

4. Congress will be made up of 43 percent superintelligent porpoises.

5. Tom Cruise’s Still Smiling at 250 will top the New York Times best-seller list.

6. I’ll still be getting back on my gym schedule, like, tomorrow, totally.

7. The Chinese will have adopted not only democracy but NASCAR and forks.

Or maybe we’re being too harsh. Do you believe Axl? I’m not sure it really matters. I’m used to waiting. The album’s arrival will probably herald the Rapture anyway, so I’m not exactly chomping at the bit. And if it does show up someday, well, I’ll have something to listen to while I’m canoeing to midtown Manhattan.

addCredit(“Axl Rose: John Sciulli/WireImage.com”)