Are we ready for 'Knight Rider: The Movie'?

Make no mistake: This will almost certainly be the dumbest movie ever. And yet, I’ll cop to a little excitement. I mean, if we’re going to make a big-screen version of The Dukes of Hazzard, the King John of car-based ’80s action television shows, why not Knight Rider — the undisputed Hamlet of this noble subgenre? The General Lee couldn’t even talk. (Actually, it probably could, but I’m guessing it sounded like Strom Thurmond.)

But, for the true fan, the making of a Knight Rider movie brings up several delicate questions: Can the show’s rich mythology — rivaling Tolkien really — be crammed into a three-act structure? Who can match the grace and wit of Hasselhoff in the lead role? Will the stock footage of K.I.T.T. jumping over that truck be retouched?

addCredit(“Knight Rider: Kobal Collection”)

Let’s not forget: Knight movies have been tried before on the small screen — with mixed results. Remember Knight Rider 2000, a devastatingly accurate portrait of the future made in 1991? No? How about 1994’s Knight Rider 2010,which seems to have had almost nothing to do with the original, apartfrom the talking car (which, by the way, did not speak with the voiceof former SAG president William Daniels, and must therefore be considered a pretender to the throne).

And then there’s this. That’s right — the Weinsteins aren’t the first to seek a turbo boost to the big screen.Joe Roth’s just-shuttered Revolution Studios was there first, withHasselhoff in the driver’s seat. I’m guessing the demise of the studioand the transfer of the property to the Weinstein Company is nocoincidence. Is the sinisterly goateed Garth Knight behind this? Does he still have Goliath? Should I probably stay off long desert highways until all this is sorted out?