Conan O'Brien: Norman Ng
May 08, 2006 at 04:00 AM EDT

”In a speech this week, California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said that America needs to work together to conserve oil. Then Arnold lit a cigar and drove over the crowd in his Hummer.”
CONAN O’BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT

”You want to see Pride & Prejudice? What, is that about racism?”
BRIGHT (CHRIS PRATT) DISCUSSING DATE PLANS WITH HANNAH (SARAH DREW), ON EVERWOOD

”A source close to Britney said they weren’t planning on another child, but Kevin got the munchies and thought her birth control pills were Pez.”
JIMMY KIMMEL, ON JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE

”It’s the 153rd birthday of Central Park. Central Park, yeah — 800 acres of unspoiled beauty, or as Donald Trump calls it, a waste.”
DAVID LETTERMAN, ON THE LATE SHOW

”I love you too. We can kiss later.”
SETH (ADAM BRODY) TO SUMMER (RACHEL BILSON), AFTER SHE DRUNKENLY VOMITED AND CONFESSED HER LOVE TO HIM, ON THE O.C.

”I never smile if I can help it. Showing one’s teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.”
DWIGHT (RAINN WILSON), ON THE OFFICE

”Now that they have dealt with the Brangelina paparazzi, Namibian authorities are reportedly working on their next priority: clean drinking water.”
JOEL McHALE, ON THE SOUP

”I told them my womanly space is hurting.”
FURONDA, DESCRIBING HOW IT FELT TO HANG UPSIDE DOWN IN A HARNESS FOR HER ”MERMAID” PHOTO SHOOT, ON AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL

”Your wish is my shift-command.”
COMPUTER NERD MAC (TINA MAJORINO), AFTER GIVING SOME TECH HELP TO KEITH (ENRICO COLANTONI), ON VERONICA MARS

”I want to be on your backside, and I’d like you to be on mine.”
COURTNEY, TRYING TO FORM AN ALLIANCE WITH SHANE BUT LEAVING HERSELF OPEN TO MISINTERPRETATION, ON SURVIVOR

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