TV's funniest quotes: Pick the best

“More like an A+ hind!”
AMANDA’S (BECKY NEWTON) RESPONSE AFTER TAVERES (MYKEL SHANNON JENKINS) THANKS HER FOR SAVING HIS BEHIND, ON UGLY BETTY

”No way, I scare me.”
HIRO (MASI OKA), REFUSING TO TALK TO HIS FUTURE SELF, ON HEROES

”It wasn’t emotional? It was like a bad Meg Ryan movie in there.”
ERIC (KEVIN CONNOLLY), ABOUT VINCE’S (ADRIAN GRENIER) RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS AGENT (CARLA GUGINO), ON ENTOURAGE

”In an effort to protect the environment, Sheryl Crow has said a ban on using toilet paper should be introduced. In a related story, don’t ever shake hands with Sheryl Crow.”
CONAN O’BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O’BRIEN

”I’d rather die famous than live like this?brushing my own teeth. It’s unsuitable!”
TRACY JORDAN (TRACY MORGAN), ON 30 ROCK

”I want icicles hanging from that bitch’s ears!”
GABY (EVA LONGORIA), ASKING HER FRIENDS TO GIVE EDIE (NICOLLETTE SHERIDAN) THE COLD SHOULDER, ON DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES

”Earl, relax. The teacher always gets through to the troubled kids. I?ve seen this movie like 12 times, and it always ends up fine. Although sometimes you do get shot in a drive-by or catch breast cancer.”
RANDY (ETHAN SUPLEE), ON MY NAME IS EARL

”TPIR is not just an indescribably entertaining hour of television — it?s a microcosm of our entire economic system. A capitalist utopia where consumers are rewarded for their persistence, market acumen, and intrepid spirit. I gaze upon the glory of The Price Is Right and I see the face of America. And it is divine. Plus, hot chicks on sports cars.”
BARNEY (NEIL PATRICK HARRIS), DESCRIBING HIS FAVORITE GAME SHOW, ON HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER

”Sunday is Earth Day. So suck it, Neptune!”
AMY POEHLER, ON ”WEEKEND UPDATE,” ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE