'American Idol' does America

Hey, America! Looking to collect on that big hug Ace Young promised you? Your wait is over: The American Idols Live Tour is here — or, rather, will be here! On July 6! Why am I using exclamation points?!?! I don’t even watch the show!!!

Will I be there in the crowd, flicking my Bic Mandisa-ward? The chances, dear readers, are woefully slim. But I want to hear from you: What’s the attraction of a live Idol experience? Is it the sense of community? The curiosity and/or schadenfreude factor, given that these arena virgins are largely untested when it comes to large-scale live audiences? Is it liberating to listen to any aural stimuli, however godawful, without immediate feedback from three sedentary caricatures? Or do you just love hearing the way that one guy with the… funny hair… sings that… one song? (Did I mention I don’t watch the show? Slezak’s out this week, folks. Bear with me.)