'Yo Momma' is so awful, it makes 'Teachers' look funny

Sigh. I thought I was being so clever when I decided to thumb my nose at National TV-Turnoff Week by checking out one show per night that I’d have otherwise skipped. But after yesterday’s foray into the unspeakable hell that is MTV’s Yo Momma, I fear the joke’s on me. Not that I was expecting much from a verbal-abuse contest created and hosted by self-proclaimed conquistador de starlets Wilmer Valderrama, but honestly, I’m not sure I’m a good enough writer to express how painful this program is.

That doesn’t mean I won’t try, though, so here goes. Yo Momma is the comedic equivalent of having every blood vessel in your body pulled out through your nose. Yo Momma is so tired it seems to think repeatedly making fun of the darkness of a person’s skin color passes for humor. Yo Momma is so stoopid that if MTV guaranteed they’d pull the plug on it right now, I’d promise to pay $10 for a ticket to Wilmer’s big-screen version of CHiPs. (Note, I didn’t say I’d actually utilize said ticket.)

For the uninitiated, the concept behind Yo Momma is this: Wilmer’s ”peeps” Jason and Sam audition two groups of neighborhood trash-talkers and pick a winner from each; Wilmer takes the finalists to their rivals’ homes, to scope out embarrassing life details; the two kids then pair off in a three-round insult-off.

It’s not a good sign that I didn’t laugh at a single Yo Momma joke last night, but there were at least a couple of unintentionally funny moments — one during the initial exchange between Wilmer and comely finalist Vakesha:

Wilmer (grinning lewdly): ”You know what you’re gonna get from me?”

Vakesha (looking mortified, hoping the answer isn’t an STD): ”What’s that?”

Wilmer (pauses): ”A hug.”

Mrrr.

It was also hard not to laugh at (not with) Wilmer’s futile attempts at unscripted punch lines. When finalist J. Boogie’s mom said her son was sweet, Wilmer responded: ”Is he too sweet to the point where he can’t really play ball?” Thud. And later, spotting a pair of handcuffs in Vakesha’s bedroom, the C-list sitcom star cooed, ”I have no comment. But I like.”

Well, Wilmer, as you can see, I have comments. And I don’t like. At all.

Moving on to the Thursday and Friday portions of this experiment, for tonight, I’m debating between UPN’s Cuts or The WB’s Supernatural. And for Friday, I’m turning to daytime, for either 50 Cent’s appearance on The View, or a very special episode (aren’t they all) of Starting Over. Put me to work, and tell me which shows I should cover.