'Top Model': Tyra's 'gap' in logic

I have two words to express my feelings about this week’s edition of America’s Next Top Model: Lauren Hutton. Indeed, if Tyra and Miss J profess to be such experts in the beauty business, how come they have no recollection of the gap-toothed supermodel who graced many a magazine cover in the ’60s and ’70s? If they did, maybe they’d be applauding (not condemning) Danielle’s refusal to close up her trademark space.

But, of course, that’s assuming dentistry is the real issue here, and I have my suspicions it’s not. Danielle’s problem is that she’s sweet, funny, charismatic and hella gorgeous — in other words, an actual possibility to become a breakout star (if not in the world of couture, then at least as a celeb spokesperson). And as the last two cycles of Top Model have proven, Tyra & Co. prefer sieves like Naima and Nicole to contestants with plus-sized personalities (like Brittany and Lisa, to name two). Seriously, even Nicole fans have to admit her My Life as a Cover Girl ads are excruciating. Do they shoot these spots in one take? Or, even scarier, is this the best she can do after multiple attempts?

Anyhow, by trying to force Danielle into their narrow definition of what a model is supposed to look like, the judges are continuing their pattern of infuriatingly contradictory advice: Be yourself, until it’s time to conform. Be confident, but not too confident. Don’t starve yourself, but stay thin.

This could also spell trouble for Joanie, who survived a painful marathon session in the dentist’s chair, getting her own wonky teeth yanked and ground down, then having veneers added, before returning to the competition groggy and sick and hot for her second photo, a sadistic Tyra-directed shoot involving something called ”tear stick.” Joanie is such a winner, she’s almost certain to be eliminated before her time.

Yep, despite the fact that once again, Joanie and Danielle’s photos (pictured) ranked as best in show, I think the judges are starting to lean toward inoffensive but forgettable Furonda (whose rag-doll shot was more prop than ”Pop!”), or perhaps underdog Sara, or inconsistent Nnenna (whose boyfriend drama ranks as the season’s least interesting subplot). If one of those ladies takes home the crown, maybe the fledgling CW network can rename the series America’s Next Top Model (Who Doesn’t Pose a Threat to Tyra Banks). Are you with me, PopWatchers?

addCredit(“America’s Next Top Model: Pascal Demeester/UPN”)