Scott Brown's Hit List for the week of April 21, 2006

1 Frankie Muniz to race cars full-time Let’s hope Dakota Fanning can resist the siren song of the Roller Derby.

2 Dallas movie may be shot in Florida Texas retaliates by shooting Good Morning, Miami: The Movie in Lubbock. Florida snickers, preps The Alamo 2.

3 Chad Michael Murray quashes pregnancy rumor For the last time: Chad Michael Murray is not pregnant.

4 Lindsay Lohan plans a trip to Kenya That last Herbie: Fully Loaded press junket is always the hardest.

5 David Blaine to live in aquarium If you take very good care of him, America, you’ll get a big, beautiful Copperfield running around the backyard.

6 Michael Jackson restructuring his finances Kids, when you buy the Shroud of Turin, always keep the receipt.

7 Pink petitions against KFC She wants Colonel Sanders tried for war crimes before the All-Chicken Court in the Hague.

8 Japan to screen The New World in ”smell-o-vision” Working in teams, stripper-scientists have managed to capture the aroma of Colin Farrell.

9 Music Rising auction to help Katrina victims But if the music rises too fast, the city may be flooded with Elton John.

10 David Spade and Heather Locklear? There’s no joke here. Just shocked silence. And if true, fresh hope for Muppets who wish to marry their human costars.

For more Scott Brown, visit popwatch.ew.com, where he blogs daily with Michael Slezak