Tom Cruise's Manhattan mission

Maybe Tom Cruise jumps on couches simply because he can’t sit still. In an apparent effort to prove he does all his own vehicular stunts in the Mission: Impossible movies, America’s favorite still-boyish bundle of energy has planned a publicity stunt that will have him criss-crossing Manhattan for six hours in pretty much every available mode of public transport New York has to offer except a horse-drawn carriage. According to a press release from the Tribeca Film Festival, which is hosting the May 3 U.S. premiere of Mission: Impossible III, Cruise will spend the day traveling between screenings in Lower Manhattan, Harlem, and Midtown via motorcycle, speedboat, taxicab, helicopter, sports car, and subway.

Guess Cruise was too modest to mention that, while navigating the speedboat, he’ll also be teaching a child to read; while flying the helicopter, he’ll be helping a junkie kick heroin; and while driving the motorcycle, he’ll be assisting in the silent delivery of his child by Katie Holmes. Mom, Pop, and Baby TomKat will then stroll the red carpet at the Ziegfeld Theater (the baby will have learned to walk by the time it arrives at the premiere). Then they’ll all fly to a remote spot on the Afghanistan/Pakistan border, where they’ll capture Osama bin Laden. And on the flight home, they’ll work out the principles of cold fusion. So it’ll be kind of a busy day.