Move over, Jewel. There’s a new poet laureate of the pop music scene, and her name is Paula Abdul. While critics dismiss the loopy songbird’s weekly American Idol critiques as so much nonsense, I’ve recently discovered they’re actually kind of stirring (in a “Rush, Rush” sort of way) when transcribed in verse form. Don’t believe me? Check out this sampling of direct quotes from Tuesday night’s country-themed episode (with PopWatch-approved titles, natch):

Ode to Chris Daughtry
You showed versatility
And you still stayed true to who you are
What a concept!

A Man Named Bucky Covington

Again, you and Kellie
Probably shined most tonight
This is your element
Wear that hat proud

Mandisa, Mandisa!
You could sing the phone book
You can sing the encyclopedia
You can sing anything
Your voice is amazing
The song, for me, I don’t know
But I know your voice is…(applause)

Even Paris Bennett Gets the Blues
I felt like it was kind of a struggle
For you to find that place
Where you own the stage
Like you always do
Week after week

Being Katharine McPhee
That is your style
That’s your niche
You look sexy, hot…cool!