From the ”So appalling there’s no way we could be making this up” file comes a must-read Smoking Gun story about a casting memo from the producers of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Seems they’re looking to up the show’s tear-jerkiness by seeking out families who’ve experienced even more horrific heartbreak than previous beneficiaries of Ty Pennington’s carpentry skills and Extreme Sculpted Torso™. Following are a list of ABC’s casting requirements, and PopWatch’s helpful followup questions:

Seeking: ”Amazing/loved Mom or Dad diagnosed w/ melanoma/skin cancer.” (I take it that leukemia and breast cancer are so five minutes ago?)

Seeking: ”Home invasion — family robbed, house messed up (vandalized) — kids fear safety in their home now.” (I know a family who’d be perfect for this segment, if only we could get the kids to start experiencing night terrors again.)

Seeking: ”MADD/Drunk Driving — family turns tragedy into triumph after losing a child to drunk driving.” (Great idea, ABC! Because everyone knows a heated jacuzzi can turn the death of a child into a ”triumph.”)

Seeking: ”Congenital insensitivity to pain with anhidrosis, referred to as CIPA by the few people who know about it. (There are 17 known cases in the US — let me know if one is in your town!)” (Sigh…)

You know what? I’m too emotionally deadened to keep mocking these people, but feel free to take your own potshots in the comments section below. They pretty much asked for it, right?