The 10 hottest topics for the week of March 31, 2006

1 Jon Stewart to host George Foster Peabody Awards Let me tell you, the Three 6 Mafia jokes absolutely kill at the Peabody Awards.

2 Rapper C-Murder released from jail after his second-degree murder conviction is overturned See, if he had only gone by the name of, say, Seymour Jaywalking…

3 Barranquilla, Colombia, erects five-ton, 16-foot statue of Shakira Just what every lady wants — to be portrayed as a lumbering giant.

4 Pamela Anderson buys condo off Vegas Strip I’m pretty sure this isn’t the first time the words Pamela Anderson and strip have appeared in the same sentence.

5 The Smiths turn down $5 million to reunite at the Coachella music festival $5 million? That’s also the sum I’d pay to destroy any surviving photos of me with this band’s name bleached onto the back of a denim jacket. And yes, the sleeves were rolled up.

6 George Clooney donates Oscar gift bag to charity As if this guy wasn’t making us all look bad before. Freakin’ Clooney.

7 Memoirs of a Geisha released on DVD This being a memoir, I suppose I’ll just let Oprah tell me what to think.

8 Russell Crowe buys rugby team Really, he likes violent sports? Go figure.

9 Robert Blake now working as a ”stable boy” As far as jobs go, I still say starring alongside a chimp in 1981’s The Monkey Mission is worse.

10 TV that Elvis shot while watching Robert Goulet now on view at Graceland Not even Seymour Jaywalking can blame him for that one.