Write your own Brangelina vows
With rumors swirling that Brangelina will wed this weekend at George Clooney’s Italian villa (and with Clooney issuing a non-denial denial: ”Rumors are rumors”), we wonder if the happy couple have had time, amidst the flurry of secret preparations, to write their vows. You can help them out via the boilerplate vows we’ve written below; just fill in the unfinished parts by selecting among the phrases we’ve offered, or fill in your own word choices.
ANGELINA: I promise to love, honor, and obey you until (death do us part/I am cast in Ocean’s Thirteen/the next adorable orphan comes along). I promise never to (make you watch Life or Something Like It/sell our photos to Us Weekly/make another Lara Croft sequel). As a mark of our love, I will (wear your blood in a vial around my neck/tattoo your name on whatever space remains available/put my knife collection in storage). Side by side always, we shall (outshine everyone else on the red carpet/share our personal grooming products/raise a race of genetically perfect superbeings who will one day replace homo sapiens as the dominant species on this planet).
BRAD: I promise to love, honor, and obey you until (death do us part/I win an Oscar too/Mr. and Mrs. Smith 2 hits DVD). I promise never to (be untrue/wear my ”Team Aniston” T-shirt around the house/invite your father over for dinner). I will love you always, even if (you never win the Nobel Peace Prize/you don’t lose the baby weight right away/Maddox and Zahara write tell-all books). I will be as good as my word because (I am a man of honor/the first rule of Fight Club is: never talk about Fight Club/I can’t afford another messy, public divorce).