A quick heads-up for Reese Witherspoon, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and other folks considered frontrunners in their respective categories going into Sunday night’s Academy Awards. You might want to check out My Village’s list of the all-time worst Oscar acceptance speeches, then avoid the past mistakes of such famous folk as Titanic director James Cameron, Vanessa Redgrave, and Greer Garson (who never scored another statuette after delivering a whopping seven-minute sermon). Better still, MSN has full transcripts of widely panned podium moments from Gwyneth Paltrow (pictured) and Tom Hanks. Of course, if you forget everything else once you hear your name called, try to stick to this one cardinal rule: Take it easy on the waterworks.

addCredit(“Gwyneth Paltrow: Eric Draper/AP”)