Don’t know whether Tom Hanks is rocking the McVinci coif in his latest movie, since most of us will never see it. It’s an 8 1/2-minute DVD sent by the Academy to the nominees, in which the two-time Oscar winner gives potential honorees tips on how to make their acceptance speeches short, memorable, and short. Rule #1: Your entire moment of glory should be about 7 1/2 minutes shorter than this disc; no more than 60 seconds should elapse from the time you leap out of your seat until the time the orchestra plays you off the stage.

No word on whether Hanks also advises winners to out the gay people on their thank-you lists in order to inspire future Kevin Kline comedies.