Credit: Wilbanks: Ric Feld/AP;Shue: Avik Gilboa/; Sarah S: Bob D'Amico

Here’s a few questions to contemplate after last night’s ”Women Tell All” episode of The Bachelor. (And lest anyone forget the theme, host Chris Harrison kindly repeated the phrase ”tell all” a total of 15 times in one hour.)

-Can anyone refute the following mathematical formula? (above, from left to right) “Runaway Bride” Jennifer Wilbanks + Elisabeth Shue = Sarah Tennessee

-What’s the going price for Harrison’s soul these days? Not only did he spout such bald-faced lies as calling this season ”the most talked-about ever” and describing the formerly mop-tressed Travis as ”a Bachelor the country has gone crazy for,” but the bland hostbot seemed genuinely jazzed about watching Susan cry and piling on the humiliation for ”rotten eggs” chick Allie G, who mercifully decided to skip the show. (Kudos to Travis for chivalrously refusing to answer questions about the reproduction-obsessed physician.)

-If there was a stake and some kindling on the stage, do you think the Bachelorettes would’ve actually set Susan on fire? (As if the plastic beauty was the only chick on stage who was hoping to use ABC’s reality dating series as a launching pad for a career in TV! Ha!)

-Was Tara drunk during the taping, or does she just have a Slur-vodkian accent? Either way, she had the night’s best outtake quote: ”I don’t know much, but I can drink.”

-How awesome was Moana‘s comment about feeling uncomfortable ”being locked in a house with 24 other hussies”? And on the flip side, how scary was that clip from next week’s show about her being able to see her own soul shining back in Travis’ eyes? Do people actually talk like that in real life?

-Finally, am I the only person hoping ”model” Jennifer is permanently banished from television (except for maybe some work as Tara Reid’s stunt double)? Bad enough that she skewered likable Sarah Canada for using a baby voice just seconds before the producers showed her own infantile banter about burning marshmallows, but her end-of-episode ”I love Moana” speech actually had me screaming at my television. Clearly, the only reason for her softened feelings was hearing Harrison mention Moana’s popularity with Bachelor viewers. And while we’re asking questions: Where exactly does girlfriend get her modeling work? For her local supermarket circular?

Who do you think is going to win this season’s prize of becoming ”a doctor’s wife”? Moana or Sarah Tennessee?

addCredit(“Wilbanks: Ric Feld/AP;Shue: Avik Gilboa/; Sarah S: Bob D’Amico”)

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