Who should be on ''Rock Star 2''?
Now that INXS has a new singer, CBS’ recently renewed Rock Star can focus on season 2, which begins this summer. Here are four bands we’d consider casting.
VAN HALEN Vacancy David Lee Roth, Sammy Hagar, and Gary Cherone quit, were fired from, or otherwise parted ways with the band. Pros The possibility of witnessing a buttless-chaps-off; the chance for Roth, Hagar, and Cherone to compete for their old jobs. Cons Contestants gushing about how lyrics like ”Lemme get on, lemme get on, lemme get on all that/I so love my baby’s poundcake” really inspired them. Elimination Line ”We’re gonna finish what ya started…with someone else.”
BLIND MELON Vacancy Singer Shannon Hoon died of a drug overdose in 1995. Pros The odds of a successful second coming are actually pretty decent: The retrofitted band would need only one hit to match the previous incarnation’s total. Cons The 98th time that a contestant must sing ”No Rain” may result in acoustic trauma to viewers. And muscle fatigue for that cute little Bee Girl. Elimination Line ”All we can say…is that your voice is pretty plain.”
MIDNIGHT OIL Vacancy Lead vocalist Peter Garrett left in 2002 to ”take up challenges outside music.” Pros Replacing Garrett — a bald, 6-foot-4 political activist — could lend itself to one helluva colorful contestant pool. Cons See Blind Melon’s con (but substitute ”Beds Are Burning” and subtract the Bee Girl). Also, Rock Star is going to help another Australian band revive its career? What is this, Live Aid? Elimination Line ”The time has come…to say buh-bye.”
ALICE IN CHAINS Vacancy Frontman Layne Staley died of an overdose in 2002. Pros After INXS’ harmless dance-rock stylings, we could use a steel-toed boot in the rear, and Alice’s middle name is danger. (Or in, if you want to get technical.) Cons Flannel = uncomfortably sweaty contestants. Plus, the grunge gods would so strongly oppose this idea that a giant magnet may descend from the heavens and erase AIC’s entire catalog. Elimination Line ”You may be the man in the box…but your box sucks.”