It’s not so interesting to watch people on cocaine babble back and forth at each other. This is horrible news for London, an insipid party-people-on-drugs talkathon that stars Chris Evans (Fantastic Four) as Syd, a coke-addled sad sack as juvenile as the big Chinese symbol tattooed on his bicep. His ex-girlfriend London (Jessica Biel), seen primarily in flashback, dumped him because (1) he’s an insane-jealous type, (2) he can’t say ”I love you,” and (3) this one time, he OD’d on the phenobarbital prescribed for his dog. The plot finds him wired and bleary, endlessly snorting blow with The Transporter‘s Jason Statham in an upstairs bathroom at a goodbye bash for London, whom he’s trying to win back before she moves to L.A. This guy Syd is some catch. He likes to freak out and is prone, in flashback, to yelling things at London like ”You’re 10 times more annoying than me!” — which is frankly impossible. At least London nails the inanity of drug-speak — the bathroom chat quickly devolves from God and ”time horizons” to coprophilia and a truly dumb confessional tirade by Statham — although perhaps this achievement is unintentional.

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