EW's Golden Globe Awards

1 BEST PRESHOW MOMENT (NON-MIZRAHI CATEGORY) Hilary Swank not clobbering NBC’s Shaun Robinson for asking about her separation.

2 WORST PRESHOW MOMENT The parody of the Pussycat Dolls song ”Don’t Cha” including the line ”Hannibal Lecter is licking his lips to taste the Cecil B.” Shudder.

3 NICE JOB WITH THE VICARIOUS LIVING Ryan Phillippe is really, really happy for you.

4 WINNER OF A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF PSYCHOTHERAPY (ON US) Mortified Miss Golden Globe Dakota Johnson, who looked like she was willing herself into the ether, while being introduced by mom Melanie Griffith.

5 OLD COOT OF THE NIGHT Larry McMurtry, who thanked his typewriter.

6 FUN WITH NAMES Fine, Gwyneth, we’ll pronounce it ”Antony” Hopkins from now on.

7 BEST EMPTY PROMISE And now, together for the last time ever, the cast of Will & Grace!

8 BEST POSTSHOW MOMENT YOU DIDN’T SEE BECAUSE ONLY CRAZY PEOPLE WATCH THE POSTSHOW Jeremy Piven’s response to an overly flirtatious E! red-carpet model-spondent who suggested he might ”win” if he took her inside: ”Uh…don’t pull a knife unless you’re gonna use it.”