The 10 hottest topics for the week of January 27, 2006

1 CBS to introduce a 40-second ad-sponsored TV series It’s called The Courier and follows the adventures of a man trying to rescue his…Crap! I’m out of time.

2 The Aristocrats DVD Let’s pray it’s the only time we pay to see a movie starring Bob Saget, Howie Mandel, and Carrot Top.

3 Wendy Pepper says Project Runway contributed to her divorce No surprise here, considering that Pepper flew in Heidi Klum to tell her husband, ”One week you’re in, the next you’re out. Auf Wiedersehen.”

4 Beach Boys sue men who they claim stole band memorabilia You can steal their gold records, you can steal their limited-edition posters, but you can never, ever steal the magic of ”Kokomo.” 5 Axl Rose sues auto dealership for allegedly not delivering two luxury cars You know our boy Axl. He likes fast cars, fast women, fast exits from public consciousness…

6 Tommy Lee to be star of own documentary Why? The dude already starred in one of the biggest ”documentaries” ever. And when I say biggest, I’m not talking about…well, you know.

7 Gwyneth Paltrow to have another baby Banana?

8 David Hasselhoff’s wife files for divorce Okay, KITT, here’s your chance. Unleash that sexy computer voice we talked about, and he’s all yours. (Go ahead — call him Michael, if ya like.)

9 David Bowie to receive lifetime-achievement Grammy Jeez, what the hell took so long? Oh, right — I forgot about Tin Machine.

10 Actress Kari Wuhrer claims she was fired from General Hospital for being pregnant This never would have happened to Gwyneth! (Mostly because she wouldn’t be caught dead on a soap opera.)