The 10 hottest topics for the week of January 20, 2006

1 Lost star Naveen Andrews admits to fathering a son while separated from girlfriend Barbara Hershey Normally, we wouldn’t be that excited, but Andrews sucked us in by gradually revealing the child through a series of well-choreographed flashbacks.

2 Jon Bon Jovi to appear on The West Wing Why not have him run against Santos? He may not have the political background, but he’s seen a million world leaders — and rocked them all!

3 Puppet Master Vs. Demonic Toys on DVD I have to feel that the Puppet Master is kinda in for an ass-kicking on this one.

4 Courtney Love’s bungalow receives no bids at foreclosure auction What, no bids? C’mon, it’s the house that Courtney built! Or bought. Or maybe just vomited in repeatedly.

5 Sen. Kennedy’s dog, Splash, details life with master in new book Isn’t it just a wee bit sad that the senior senator from Massachusetts is following in the footsteps of Paris Hilton?

6 Veterinarian claims Michael Jackson owes almost $100,000 for unpaid treatment of exotic animals It’s all your fault, Bubbles.

7 Pink weds Carey Hart But can he wear sunglasses at night?

8 NFL lifts age limit, allowing people over 45 to dance on field for Rolling Stones Super Bowl halftime show It’s nice to know that our senior citizens are afforded the same opportunity to look idiotic dancing on an indoor football field as the rest of us. Viva equality!

9 Bee Gee Barry Gibb buys Johnny Cash’s house Isn’t this sorta like Yahoo Serious taking over Brando’s pad?

10 Paris Hilton accused of planting story about a rival heiress Oh, just wait until she gets ahold of you, Ted Kennedy! You’ll get beat down like a 1980 Democratic primary!