EW's fearless ''predictions'' for 2006
EW's fearless ''predictions'' for 2006. What we foresee for all the celeb bundles of joy, Tony Soprano, and Tom Hanks -- plus, five forecasts from the Amazing Kreskin
Happy New Year EW readers! We know you’re busy detoxing and thinking very seriously about going back to the gym, but here at the home office we’ve been hard at work trying to guess what you’ll be watching, listening to, and talking about in 2006. And we can guarantee that at least one of these predictions is totally going to come true. Impress your friends by guessing which one!
Katie Holmes will give birth to Tom Cruise’s child… and there is nothing you or anyone else can do to stop this from happening. Face it: We are alone, and the Scientologists at last have their heir. In fact, the smart money says Oprah will have the baby booked as a guest by May, bounce it off the sofa a couple times, and then give it a car.
The Cruise Missile won’t be the only big celebrity childbirth of 2006: Brooke Shields’ second child is due in the spring, and oddsmakers in Vegas currently have his or her chances of beating the snot out of the TomKitten at 6-1. Expect Gwen Stefani to deliver a fully clothed Harajuku girl in the coming months, and Donald Trump to make nannying his newborn a prize on next season’s Apprentice. Lastly, insiders are predicting that Angelina Jolie will finish off the year by adopting a small Guatemalan boy named Paco. Plus, remember the class of 2005? Get excited: Young Sean Preston Federline is expected to spend this year in the studio, recording a debut album that’s already started leaking onto music blogs. The first single is a reggaeton-flavored track entitled ”I Like It Better in Thurr (Womb Memories, Pt. 1).”
The Sopranos will return in March to massive critical acclaim. Sadly, the pressure will prove too much for the series when it’s revealed that Tony is keeping his mentally disturbed child locked in the basement, Carmela is having an affair with a sadistic pharmacist, Wallace Shawn guest-stars, and frustrated audience members start grumbling that ”they never just hang out and play poker anymore.” Over on Lost, things will heat up between Jack and Kate, as well as between Sawyer and Kate and, during sweeps, Hurley and Kate. Meanwhile, fans should look for Arrested Development to be rescued by desperate execs at NBC, but they might have to kiss a cast member goodbye when network honcho Jeff Zucker begins talks with Matt LeBlanc to replace Jason Bateman (LeBlanc’s Joey costar Drea DeMatteo will be offered a six-episode guest spot as Lucille’s ”moisture consultant”).