It's that time: 2006 entertainment resolutions
New Year’s resolutions, like second marriages or staying up to watch for something funny on Saturday Night Live, represent the triumph of hope over experience. But even though I’ll probably violate most of these by Groundhog Day, I’m going to make the following resolutions when it comes to 2006 entertainment:
-I’ll watch Arrested Development while I still can and sign any petition to ABC or Showtime urging them to pick up the series if/when Fox finally drops the guillotine blade.
-I will not see more movies based on old TV shows or second-rate video games; or movies about serial killers, natural disasters, or Hollywood insiders; or movies where the trailer gives away the entire plot.
-If I ever interview Tom Cruise again, I’m not going to ask him questions about aliens.
-When Superman Returns is released, I’ll watch Brandon Routh’s face instead of letting my eyes drift down to the skintight crimson briefs that show off his super-manhood.
-I’ll say ”Hell to the no” if lured by the chance to watch more celebreality shows, with the distant hope that I might discourage them.
-I’ll administer a mild electrical shock to myself if I start following my pal Mike Slezak’s lead and hear myself quoting Valerie Cherish’s ”Note to self: I don’t need to see that.”
-I’ll read more fiction and fewer celebrity biographies.
-I will purge The Click Five’s insidiously catchy ”Just the Girl” from my mental stereo for at least five minutes.
-When I cover the Oscars for EW.com, if I run into David Cronenberg, George Clooney, Catherine Keener, Ralph Fiennes, or Natalie Portman, I will have a brilliant remark that I’ve prepared in advance. And if I run into Ziyi Zhang, Angelina Jolie, Keira Knightley, Sarah Silverman, or Cillian Murphy, well, forget brilliance — I’ll just gawk.
-I will finally break down and join the 21st century by buying an iPod, a DVR, and a video cellphone — and I will probably never be seen or heard from again.
Okay, folks. Your turn. What are your 2006 entertainment resolutions?