By Marc Vera
December 16, 2005 at 12:00 PM EST

Today marked the end of Howard Stern’s time on “terrestrial radio,” but he’ll return on Sirius satellite radio on Jan. 9, 2006. Here’s a minute-by-minute run-down of the shock jock’s final show:

6:30 a.m.-ish: I wake to the sounds of Beetlejuice spewing chunks after drinking too much. Nice.

7:49: Howard’s family shows up in the studio and he jokingly tells his sister to take her top off. Gross.

8:15: Elephant Boy is chanting Martin Luther King’s famous words — “free at last, free at last, free at last” — which sounds more like “fwee at rast, fwee at rast, fwee at rast” with his lisp.

8:49: Daniel Carver, whose KKK-fueled words are too colorful for PopWatch, is booed by the crowd. The first of many F-bombs burn their way through my virgin speakers.

9:00: Yahoo!’s Live webcast begins. This could be good, since no news network seems to be covering the events as they happen [ed. note: ahem, except PopWatch!].

9:11: Pamela Anderson is giving Howard a lap dance on the live feed. Oh, wait, damn — buffering…

9:19: Artie Lange’s speechincludes such gems as: “I’ll give $50 to the first person who gives mea Vicodin” and “It’s 11 a.m. and I’m fat, balding and drunk.” Heconcludes by inviting the crowd to a screening of Brokeback Mountain to see some gay cowboy sex.

9:25: Howard has a serious moment with Robin — and then asks her to spread her legs. 

9:33: Robin’s speech is jumbled by a 10-second delay. What could she possibly have said?

9:49: Howard addresses his fans, using the term “last of a dyingbreed” approximately 35,435 times. Bleeped words and edited sentencesmake for stuff like “I’d like to thank Robin for let’s not forget whenthank you.”

9:58: Stern finishes and the crowd goes wild. The Yahoo! feed makes an awkward segue to a taped bit of Debbie, er, I mean, Deborah Gibson, serenading Howard with “Lost in Your Eyes.” Huh?

And so ends an era. While Howard and crew party the afternoon awayat the Hard Rock Café with Sheryl Crow, of all people, the rest of usare left to wonder, “Is Sirius worth it?” (My answer: YES! Then again,I’ll buy into almost any form of entertainment.)

What will you miss most about Howard?  Was his final show all you thought it would be?

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