The Dukes of Hazzard
It’s about the car,” claims The Dukes of Hazzard director Jay Chandrasekhar. Funny — we thought it was about shoehorning sexpot Jessica Simpson into the shortest shorts imaginable while a camera drools over every inch of her buff bod. Either way, this dumbed-down transfer of the high-octane TV series is about as much fun as a speed bump. EXTRAS ”Unrated” and ”too hot for theaters” apparently translates to F-words and nipple shots. (Johnny Knoxville’s Jackass fans should lap the stuff up like cheap beer.) Cut scenes involve topless coeds, a bong, and body paint; bloopers feature 12 bare butt cheeks and Knoxville simulating two separate sex acts. Those with less prurient tastes can choose from ”The General Lee Lives” — seeing a car pop a wheelie is pretty cool, especially compared with pot-smoking sorority girls — or ”Daisy Dukes: The Short Short Shorts,” which shows you how to make your own barely-there denim cutoffs. You’ll need scissors, a washer/dryer, a seam ripper, and — most importantly — a traffic-stopping figure. For that one, you’re on your own.