Hey, wait a second: Where the heck are all the reviews of Aeon Flux?

What’s that? The week’s only new feature in wide release wasn’t screened for critics? Well that’s never a good sign.

And anyhow, what am I supposed to do? I’ve got bills to pay, a blog to fill. I guess all I can do is suggest some unfair, pre-emptive headlines for the inevitable onslaught of pans that await the big-screen adaptation of MTV’s cult animated series, starring Oscar winner Charlize Theron. Here goes:

‘Aeon’ Sucks?
‘Aeon’? Yuck!
‘Aeon’ for effort, but an ‘F’ for the end product
‘Aeon’ mucks up Theron’s string of winners
Heroine bleak
Span-dex the halls
Cartoon ‘Aeon’ was more three-dimensional
Crazy like a ‘Flux’
Charlize went to the Oscars, and all we got was this stupid movie

Alrighty, folks, help a blogger out: Somebody’s got to be able to top my paltry puns. Give it your best shot and try you hand at an Aeon Flux headline. Holla back!

addCredit(“Aeon Flux: Paramount Pictures”)