It would be too easy to ridicule Paris Hilton’s singing debut, currently streaming over at MySpace. So I decided to take the path less traveled, listen to her four tracks with an open ear, and find nice things to say. Here’s my best shot:

-”Hand on My Heart”: Recycling tracks from the scrap heap behind Kylie‘s studio? How environmentally conscious!

-”Don’t Touch It”: Apt title. The moral of the story: Rapid-fire Beyonce-esque phrasing should not be attempted by everyone.

-”Sooner or Later”: Awesome! This clip lasts all of 15 seconds!

-”Screwed”: Okay, I hear a rubbery Mirwais-like synth line, and…

Agh! I just looked at the screen and saw a photo of Paris sucking suggestively on a red Popsicle. Sorry, guys, I have to go wash out my eyes with lye.

What do you think of Paris’ new songs?

addCredit(“Paris Hilton: Shannon Stapleton/Reuters”)