TV Tattle has a link today to a New York Times piece examining who’s really still in the running toward becoming America’s next top model, and apparently, none of the contestants in the UPN’s addictive reality show of the same name is likely to make the cut. How come? Apparently, they’re too old, too fat, and too American. I kid you not.

While I could’ve lived without the writer’s condescension toward the best reality series on TV (”Why, it is a puzzle to test the mettle of Malibu Barbie!”), it’s fascinating to see that Nik, Bre, Lisa, Nicole, Kim, and Jayla will actually be competing against Eastern European fetuses when they graduate from Tyra University.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’m gonna go waddle out of the office and get some lunch. Field greens with a side of air sounds positively scrumptious.