TV's funniest quotes: Pick this week's best

”The next edition of The Real World [may] be shot in Detroit. As will several cast members.”
AMY POEHLER, ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

”I’m using Mrs. Butterworth’s — is that okay, or should I only be getting syrup from your head?”
DOUG (KEVIN JAMES), TO HIS JEALOUS WIFE, CARRIE (LEAH REMINI), ON THE KING OF QUEENS

”Unless you count Alexander…”
VAL KILMER, WHEN ASKED IF HIS NEW FILM, KISS KISS, BANG BANG, IS THE FIRST COMEDY HE HAS WORKED ON SINCE REAL GENIUS, ON JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE

”Your virtue, for example, is a gift….It is a gift you can give to only one man. Once you give it, it’s gone. You can’t regift it. If you give it to the wrong man, when the right one comes along, you’ll have no gift to give. You’ll have to give him a sweater.”
REV. BOATWRIGHT (MICHAEL CLAYTON MCCARTHY) TO RORY (ALEXIS BLEDEL), ON GILMORE GIRLS

”I haven’t failed anything, except math…twice.”
NEHEMIAH, EXPLAINING WHY HE’S CONFIDENT HE’LL BE ABLE TO FINISH EDITING THE HOUSEMATES’ DOCUMENTARY, ON THE REAL WORLD

”Clay is not a man. He is an insecure, bitchy woman times a thousand.”
ALLA, DESCRIBING A NEW TEAMMATE, ON THE APPRENTICE

”Millions of people in Florida are still without power after Hurricane Wilma. Things are so bad people in Miami are taking rafts back to Cuba.”
D.L. HUGHLEY, ON WEEKENDS AT THE D.L.