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Remember a simpler time back in 2003 when you thought ”Thoia Thong” was the most nonsensical song in R. Kelly’s oeuvre? Or even a few months ago, when you believed the R&B star’s ”Trapped in the Closet” opus had reached its height of ridiculousness when Sylvester found that condom among his wife’s bed sheets? Well, according to MTV.com, yesterday’s DVD release of Trapped in the Closet: Chapters 1-12 introduces a character named Big Man, a gassy little person hiding in Bridget’s kitchen cabinet.

(Sure, I can pause for a sec while you process this information. Just let me know when you’re ready to continue. Okay?)

Anyhow, what’s more alarming (or exciting, depending on your viewpoint), Kelly reportedly has recorded an additional 10 chapters of his urban soap opera. So what do you think? Is it time for one of the networks to option Trapped as the next great primetime soap? Or should Kelly be trapped in a closet himself for a while, with nary a writing utensil or musical instrument in sight?